"Do you feel loved enough?"

In a society where women are too short, too tall, too fat and too small, do you feel loved enough? When complimented, do you shy away allowing the hurt inside of you to speak louder than the strength inside of you? Today of all days- is the love you feel enough to suffice? Good marriage, bad day. Happy wife, crazy life- how do you feel? I want to be able to look in the mirror each day, full of love for myself. I want to see my face staring back at me and say "Good morning beautiful. You are loved." I want it to radiate off of me like a scent or perfume. I want people to walk by me and think to themselves, "Damn, that woman is loved." Not because of tattoos or symbols that dangle from chains but because I KNOW it to be true and I carry myself as one who is loved. I want my daughter to look at me and know that she is loved in the purest and most abundant way possible because she is being loved by one who is loved.

It is so easy to be caught up in the words and in the expressions. The vernacular of love is repetitive and seamless. Enough to melt you on its first utterance and crush you on its last goodbye. So how do we then identify whether we are loved enough. How do I know without words that today, I am loved beyond measure? That the amount of love I receive or feel is enough? Do I know it with a gesture? Is an opened door or a proffered flower enough to know that today, this amount of love fills my cup? Is it with sex? Is the fact that he fucked me with the lights on enough to know that I am loved abundantly? How do I identify love when I can't even identify how I define love?

New Years is about making false promises and guiding hopes for a new year. It's about taking every hurt and every lesson learned in a previous year and make the new year that much better. This year- I make no false promises. I will not promise to be a better person. I will not promise to lose weight, work out more or even to make more money. This year, I challenge myself. This year I will define love. I will know what it means to be loved enough. Not because it's a new year. Not because a calendar turned a page but because today is the best day to start. So I ask you- Do you feel loved enough today?

To be parents of furry things or not to be parents of the fury things

No post yesterday because I was hanging out with my gorgeous friend and her cutie patootie.  We just hung around the house catching up on Drop Dead Diva.  Today, she showed my husband a puppy.  Not just any puppy but a puppy we could have for free.  I'm a little bit leery because, well,  I'm a human baby mommy.  I have so many responsibilities as it is and David's at work enough that I would be this pup's primary caregiver.  What do I know about dogs!?  But look at him!

He's adorable.  I just really want to take this slowly.  David mentioned kennel training him and I can't get over feeling like we'd be torturing the animal.  Then I found out kenneling is normal?  Oh Lord.  I'll let you guys know what we decide.  For now, we're weighing the options.  What are your pros and cons?

Photo Happy 4th of July!

Happy 4th of July!  I hope that you're spending your day surrounded by loved ones and good food!  I am at home with the kids while David works.  No rest for the corrections officer (or something like that).  

I have inflated my pool, which I blew up with a hair blow dryer on the "cool" setting.

(You wish you were that intuitive).  

Pool success!!!

I have frosty beverages 

I have food 

Recipe Here

AAAND I have fireworks assuming the weather doesn't slap us with a haboob tonight.  (Don't know what that is?  See below.  It's basically a wall of dust that makes seeing anything a miracle and driving impossible.)    

www.theatlanticwire.com

So that's my plans for today.  Food, pool, fireworks.  Hope you're having a blast too!

You don't a thing about me...

Every once in a while, you have the opportunity to make an impact on the life of somebody around you.  It could be a fleeting moment, it could be a long commitment.  Time is not important, what is important is that you have an opportunity to step forward and flash a momentary glace at who you are.  What your values are, how you operate, your winning smile- all of these things come together to create an image for the person you are interacting with.

I can't stand when that image is negative after only a few moments of interaction.  You could be amazing!  You could rightly wish the person well in everything they do and offer them the use of your right arm for a lifetime of slap wars.  It doesn't matter, they'll still draw their own conclusions.  And at times, that arm that you've offered looks like it's covered in the plague to them.  Your blessing, their burden.

I am trying to learn what everybody else says I should, "you can't please everybody." Well, I know that!  I've got two arms, two legs, two ears- I can lend those to exactly 6 people at one time.  There are billions of somebodies to create our planet's "everybodies."  Some people are just going to have to wait to be pleased. But I still hate when no matter how hard you try, you're still something different to them than you are to yourself.

Oh you think that you know me.

I'm famous!

I was a good girl in high school.  I never did anything that would ruffle any feathers or upset anybody!

Phhhh!  Who am I kidding!?  So I did a few really stupid things.  I tried drugs.  I started smoking.  Partied a lot and got kicked out of school.  I was a mess!  Thank God that I got pregnant because Lord knows what I'd be doing right now if I weren't a mommy.

Maybe I'd be waxin' that pole or hustlin on the corner.  (Yeah, my slang ability leaves a little to be desired).  Maybe I'd be president!  Maybe I might have even signed a million dollar record deal and been absolutely famous!  Well, I don't wax poles (or anything for that matter).  I once ran into a pole, does that count?  I have no desire to be president (I inhaled after all) and I never signed a record contract.  BUT!!  But I did once roll up my jeans while I was at a lake with a boyfriend.

How did that make me famous, you ask- well, I guess the picture was snapped at JUST the right time and it became discussion worthy.  You decide:

I do, in fact, have both a hand and a leg but the positioning is such that I have only an arm and a foot.  Eh.  I wrote the website and asked them to take it down but found out that it has been shared on thousands of websites.  Thousands folks.  That's right.  I'm famous.